from another blog I had-written prior to this blog October 2009 posts: Consolidation

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 7, 2009
Mortality
This accident has certainly led to some discussions and thoughts (particularly by Barb) in regards to mortality. It has always been the assumption in our house that Barb-by nature of her family history will live the longer than me. Both her granddads were over 90 when they died (her grandmothers died in their 70s however). Her parents are in remarkable health at 79 and low 70s. She eats good and takes care of herself. While my family history is much more significant-granddads having died of myocardial infarcts in lows 30s (mother side) and 50s (? or early 60s -dad). I also have the "benefit" of a job that deals with death and have a near daily reminder (in winter particularly) of my own lack of health from a couple of medical issues I have developed over the years. Plus I know a lot of bad things that can happen medically.

Now all this has changed-Barb has wondered will this accident shorten her life. The answer is yes it could. I think in some ways this is good. People with spinal cord injuries are sure at risk of urosepsis. Her IVC filter is not going anywhere. She has more surgery scheduled. Heck, we have to drive on Texas roads to get to San Antonio multiple times. We should always appreciate that our days are limited (Psalms 90:10). I know from medical experience and thought-that except for those few who die of suicide (or with Alzheimers) death comes to soon-weither you are 20 or 85 years old. I think assuming you will live to 90 plus could lead to a lack of numbering of days.

Barb's condition puts pressure on me-particularly if she doesn't fully recover all bodily functions. I need to stay healthy to help her. She may need my help for a long time. I also think this may have helped her live in the moment. She has certainly seemed to change in some ways in that regard.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 8, 2009
Funny
Barb will tell you that I laugh or make fun of way too much. Inappropriately. Well todays short blog will be inappropriate so you should stop reading now. Course it is not as bad as it could be. I find more things to laugh about than cry about in life. Actually my two emotions are most likely finding something humorous or being angry about something.

Barb has had a Foley catheter in for most of 12 weeks now. After a while they stink. She has had it changed out several times-but especially since she has been home there is this strong, pungent oder that has driven her crazy. She asked me for some body spray to cover it up. I tried one fragrance-nope. Another type-better, but no. Finally she sent me to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I found nothing humorous in that store. Total chick place. Worse going in there than Victoria's Secret to be honest. But Barb gave me a fragrance to get so I was successful. Mission accomplished and I wasn't seen by anyone.

The "good part" is the name of the fragrance. And while she does not find it funny or even a coincidence. The fragrance she picked out-Sweet Pea. Yep. Now if you don't find that funny (and she doesn't), there is not much I can do for you. And if you can't figure out why that is funny-again, you have no hope.

I do want to add that the main word I have used with great delight and laughter (to myself) and with Barb is "tenacious". You will have to ask her why, cause she won't let me tell. Her being tenacious and all...

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 11, 2009
Cutting the umbilical cord
We need to cut the cord. Sometime. This morning the in-laws left. Tomorrow Bs in-laws arrive for a little less than 2 weeks. The next big change will be whether to ask Bs parents back or what to do after mine leave. I have had the urge to be more self sufficient for a while. B not so much. She really cannot contribute to the work or management around the house. Today would be a good day to see how ready we are.

By lunch time I had already realized how much we need help. My idea of feeding the kids is to tell them to clean up whatever they get out. Course I end up cleaning most of the stuff. I know with family gone more will fall on me. But I have a need to not be so dependent. The kids are just going to have to come along for the ride. Or get it going of get it gone. OK?? I have more thoughts about this in terms of responsibility-but that will have to wait.

Forward progress: On friday Barb became eligible to put weight on her right foot. It did not seem like much, but today-Sunday she walked into church. She had a walker and a brace, but she sat in a chair and not the wheelchair. She also used a leg bag for her foley. It did not seem like much to us-but it did to some people at church. And I see that too. She is walking with a walker. She is not shuffling. Small steps, but steps nonetheless. She could get her brace off in a week or so. That will be another big step towards independence-towards restoration.

Today the local bike/run club had a ride to raise some money for Barb near Mathis, TX at the state park (Lake Corpus Christi)-despite an early start (for us) of 8am we were able to make it out there and say thanx at the starting line. It was very, very very nice-very humbling and overwhelming. I got up about 5:30 and we got out there before 8am and then back home by 9:30 to get the 4 kids ready for church. Daniel did the ride with some friends-it was cold and rainy-ish so he did the 12 miler instead of the 45 mile ride and was the first to finish.

In terms of bathroom we are mostly at status quo. No major improvements. No setbacks. No catastrophes.

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FRIDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2009
Loved
Initially the most overwhelming emotion regarding Barbs accident for me was the overwhelming love and support for Barb. I loved her and we had a good thing going with our little love affair/marriage. But the overwhelming support for her was humbling. Barb and I have been amazed. We also realize that much of that support is really the love of others not for Barb directly-but love others have had for Barbs parents, mine, or Barbs family. Particularly members of churches of John, Robert, Mr. Compere and my Dad-people we have never met or seen calling, sending gift cards, visiting us. Plus the incredible support of people we know. Add that in to people at work that I have never spoken with stopping me in the hall to tell me they are praying for us or asking how Barb is doing. For a introvert like me that has been hard to handle.

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2009
Short thoughts
The last 15 weeks remind me of college more than anything else. Not nearly as fun, but the frantic pace of life is similar.

Final results for Barbs (probable) final bike ride (at least from a training-racing perspective). From her computer-she was in lap one of two (probably had 6 miles left in the first lap) ride time 40:58-max speed 24.2 mph; max rpm 107; average speed 19.3, average rpm 95, distance 13.18 miles. Very low wind day for that high an mph, imo. She likely was going about 22 mph at the time to the accident (there is one hill that she hit the 24 mph with the wind about 3 miles earlier). She had a net into wind ride based on the prevailing wind (albeit low for CC).

The accident has certainly changed my attitude towards life. I have what I consider an "old mans" perspective. I look back to what was, not forward to what is to come.

The last few weeks have shown B and me more things she can't do that we did not know. Today we learned she cannot stand on her tip toes. She also cannot spread her toes and they hurt (due to her socks) which suggests its related to her cord injury. No success today on a urination trial. Will try again with a urodynamics study in 3 weeks. We were hoping to see improvements not to identify more deficits.
POSTED BY VANANDBARB AT 8:56 PM NO COMMENTS:
More of the same
For the first 21 years of our marriage, the Mrs. and I have had the typical health working relationship. She shares each and every pain, odd feeling and tells me about it-asks me what it is and wants to discuss it with me. I think this conversation occupies about 30 to 40% of our total volume of conversation. I have traditionally done the male approach in this. Not sharing anything I feel medically short of a fatal MI (and of course many a male fails to mention that till it is too late). I have relaxed my standards on this the last few years, I regret to say.

Now status post accident I would guess the Mrs. would pump up the volume on this topic so that it occupies about 99% of our conversation-but so far its still in the 40% range. The only bad thing is I can't mentally dismiss everything she says anymore...